There is something about the dark & still of the night that takes me to the depths of despair. I can't sleep, I can't stop crying and I'm convinced that I've earned this punishment by some unknown misdeed.
Sitting up awake brings me up from the depths but still there is a weight that I know will only be eased by the coming dawn ... hours away. I will probably regret this wish but I wish that I could be tired enough to sleep at night.
I can be strong all day long, moments of sadness but mastered by will and the need to be strong for those around me. Night leaves me alone, takes my strength and leaves me with just the dark thoughts.
I'm closing the comments on this one - this one was for me. Writing it down, acknowledging the desperation along with the hope helps. And I hope it will help others who feel it too, to know that they're not alone.