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But what if the lady of the house wakes up one fine morning, goes downstairs to wake up the boy of the house and with every step an odour - that can only be described as ass - becomes more pronounced. And when I say "ass", I don't mean a lady-like, well washed & powdered so that even her shit don't stink kind of ass. I mean a ridin' the rails hobo ass. The kind of ass odour that comes from using leaves (of a plant or newspaper) rather than Charmin' to wipe with. The kind of odour that comes from skid marks on top of skid marks, day after day, week after week, ripening. Yeah - you know what I'm talkin' about!! But it's permeating the whole basement - it's hard to pin down. A/C goes off, windows get opened
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A few hours later the boy has cleaned a section of the carpet where he has admitted that he remembers spilling some milk a few days ago.
Okay good - it should get better now.
A few more hours pass, the hard working woman of the house comes back home and after getting a nice cold glass of water heads downstairs to knit & watch Y&R. Open windows have been fresh-airing out the house and all should be well with the world. You are an astute one, dear reader - the way you have picked up on my use of the modal verb "should". All thoughts of knitting were utterly banished as the smell of ass still hung in the air!! The boy claims no pertinent knowledge and has no viable suggestions.
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edited to add: Remember the milk that had been split a few days ago? The boy sopped it up with a towel, then tossed it in the laundry hamper. And then put clothes on top. And didn't say anything. end of edit
The towel was a lost cause - right into the garage garbage, tied off and double bagged. The boys' clothes were washed in hot water with Javex Bleach-for-the-Unbleachables. Twice. They show no signs of their brush with Stink.
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At this time you'll be happy to know that the ass smell is gone, the clothes are clean & fresh smelling and the woman has blocked her knitting (pics tomorrow Ada!!) and she will be going to bed. Even though it will be chilly tomorrow the windows will be opened again - just for good measure!!
And lest you begin to think that the woman is a deviant, she has not made a personal study of ass(es) and their odour(s). She is making ass-umptions based on conjecture and fictional literature.
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