When I was in treatment a friend gifted me with a book, which I can't remember the title of, but I really enjoyed it.
One part that I personally took away from it was that it's okay to feel sorry for yourself, to wallow a bit; not endlessly, not to your detriment. Put a time limit on it, let go and feel all the sadness and let the self pity wash over you.
When the time is up, move on. Pick yourself up by your boot straps and get on with the business of living.
Today I am just feeling overwhelmed by the relentlessness of the day-to-day pain I'm in, the amount of narcotics that I need to deal with that pain and the effects that it all has on me.
Choosing between the pain or the lethargy/buzzyness, itching, sleep disruption and fogginess doesn't really feel like a choice at all. But I do choose, and I hate that too.
So between being back at work and "whatnot", I've been not been very knitterly. But deadlines loom, and y'all know that there's like a deadline to motivate. And my time limit is one day. So come pain or side effects, it's back in the saddle tomorrow.
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Thursday, April 9, 2015
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Recovering
So after three days of taking all of the drugs, (and I was good, didn't take more than I should, scared even myself a couple of months ago), medicinal amounts of alcohol, and still fighting through pain to get done what was needful, I am exhausted.
I can feel my body fighting to rid itself of all the stuff I put in it. I've been drinking water like crazy. An Epsom salt bath is running. My brain is struggling to process just about anything; fortunately I've been functioning on muscle memory and instinct.
I have the greatest admiration for women who do this every day.
Fortunately, my day-to-day pain is manageable with T3's and I only have to deal with such an extreme for a few days. even though it seems interminable in the moment And I have surgery on the horizon. though four months seems very far away in those moments extended into a small eternity by pain
So, no knitting done yet today, but I've made it through.
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I can feel my body fighting to rid itself of all the stuff I put in it. I've been drinking water like crazy. An Epsom salt bath is running. My brain is struggling to process just about anything; fortunately I've been functioning on muscle memory and instinct.
I have the greatest admiration for women who do this every day.
Fortunately, my day-to-day pain is manageable with T3's and I only have to deal with such an extreme for a few days. even though it seems interminable in the moment And I have surgery on the horizon. though four months seems very far away in those moments extended into a small eternity by pain
So, no knitting done yet today, but I've made it through.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Never Enough ...
... knitting. So I couldn't help myself. I went stash diving and came up with yarn for Romi's latest MKAL. I greatly admire her design aesthetic and am thrilled to be in on the action.
I am using Dream in Color Smooshy (light colour), and Wollmeise Pure (dark colour).
... Rx Since then my period came (a week early, so kind of caught off guard), and I am on all of the drugs (100mg Codeine Contin, and 2
T3's every four hours), okay, and a few drinks and I am still in nauseating pain. I know that the worse will pass by the end of day tomorrow oh gods please!!! so I am loathe to waste 4-6 hours in emerg.
I see my Dr again ion Wednesday; I'll certainly be asking for some better Rx or combination.
... colour I came across Johanna Basford's
Colouring books. I have purchased Secret Garden and ordered Enchanted Garden online (significantly cheaper online at www.indigo.ca ) and ventured into Curry's for some lovely Copic markers. I will be buying Staedtler or Prismacolor pencil crayons & felt markers from WM when I return, but I am excited to try something new and better. I
While I am no artist, I do have an eye for colour and can't wait to blend to my hearts content.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I am using Dream in Color Smooshy (light colour), and Wollmeise Pure (dark colour).
... Rx Since then my period came (a week early, so kind of caught off guard), and I am on all of the drugs (100mg Codeine Contin, and 2
T3's every four hours), okay, and a few drinks and I am still in nauseating pain. I know that the worse will pass by the end of day tomorrow oh gods please!!! so I am loathe to waste 4-6 hours in emerg.
I see my Dr again ion Wednesday; I'll certainly be asking for some better Rx or combination.
... colour I came across Johanna Basford's
Colouring books. I have purchased Secret Garden and ordered Enchanted Garden online (significantly cheaper online at www.indigo.ca ) and ventured into Curry's for some lovely Copic markers. I will be buying Staedtler or Prismacolor pencil crayons & felt markers from WM when I return, but I am excited to try something new and better. I
While I am no artist, I do have an eye for colour and can't wait to blend to my hearts content.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Groundhog Day
Seriously, doing everything over again today.
I *knew* that I was supposed to be doing the M size, but somewhere along the way when I turned over the page and looked at the numbers, I ended up doing the S.
Fortunately I realized this fairly early on and I do love knitting garter stitch.
So, today will be about correction and tomorrow can be about actual progress.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I *knew* that I was supposed to be doing the M size, but somewhere along the way when I turned over the page and looked at the numbers, I ended up doing the S.
Fortunately I realized this fairly early on and I do love knitting garter stitch.
So, today will be about correction and tomorrow can be about actual progress.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Next
I made an error on Véronik's project so while I was awaiting approval for a potential work-around, (no simple fixes on such detail-oriented shaping!), I was able to start on a perfect 2nd project.
Good thing since it was my take with project for the day.
I am going to have a hysterectomy. The ablation was a limited success, but since November I have been in nearly constant pain ranging from low-grade nagging to nauseatingly fierce. Fibroids have returned, and I just can't continue; not with the pain or the amount of drugs that are needed to kind of control it. Hopefully I'll get a date in the next couple of days; not likely until into August. Not ideal, but it could be worse.
Chica's basking in the last of the morning sunshine rays that light up my living room.
And I've declared today Hobbit Day,
so I'd best get back to my knitting and adventure!!
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Good thing since it was my take with project for the day.
I am going to have a hysterectomy. The ablation was a limited success, but since November I have been in nearly constant pain ranging from low-grade nagging to nauseatingly fierce. Fibroids have returned, and I just can't continue; not with the pain or the amount of drugs that are needed to kind of control it. Hopefully I'll get a date in the next couple of days; not likely until into August. Not ideal, but it could be worse.
Chica's basking in the last of the morning sunshine rays that light up my living room.
And I've declared today Hobbit Day,
so I'd best get back to my knitting and adventure!!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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