Well the post op pain isn't nearly as bad as carrying around the tumour so there's a postitive! It's more like really uncomfortable plus I'm bound as tight in a Tensor bandage as the proverbial sung bug in a rug!!
It's so tight that it's messing with the muscles in my back - I am totally going to need a massage!! The bandage can come off Thursday at which time I will see the damages which might be outweighed by the fact that I can finally take a shower!!!
They removed the tumour along with 7 lymph nodes one of which was enlarged. I don't know much about these things (and I'm kinda scared to look it up) and while the Dr assures me that number/size has no bearing on cancerous potential, 7 still seems like a lot to me. I have to wait 2 weeks for the results/staging/grading of the tumour & lymph nodes. Sigh. The waiting is the absolute worst for me.
I'm really disappointed to have missed the Blue Jays Stitch 'n Pitch last night. Next year I'll totally be there!!!
Thank God I have knitting to kind of take my mind off of too much dwelling. I am just about ready to start on the sleeves of Elise's sweater for XRX. It's deadlined so I'm all over it.
I have started a new Sweet Spot strip - Creatively Dyed Yarns. 
This colour is called Larkspur - I'm lovin' it!!
I've also got China Clouds which I will be hard back into as soon as the XRX sweater is done and with the new Rowan out Julie has promised me some Rowan-liciousnous to work on as a rest from the intense intarsia!!!
I've always had a hard time falling asleep; I have a hard time shutting my brain off - I think about what happened during the day, what didn't happen, what I woulda/coulda/shoulda done, what the kids did (what I know they did & what I think they did - LOL), what they didn't do, how everyone feels, what the plans are for the next day(s), etc ... I usually read for 20-30 minutes - it gives me some other life/problems/stuff to think about that I have no vested interest in to think about.
Lately I've had more to think (fret) about than usual. And then there's the pain. It's a constant, deep, intense ache with occasional bursts of sharper pain. Louie is not one to be ignored. Any shift of position - bending over, standing up from sitting, rolling over - really hurts. The tumour is dense and heavy and my humble breast is not happy with this invasion.
Kerwyn falls asleep literally in minutes after his head hits the pillow so I am left alone with my thoughts which are become darker as the the hours wear on. Then I'm caught in the catch-22 that most insomniacs suffer - do I get up when I can't sleep & try to get something done which guarantees that I won't get to sleep, or do I lay there trying to get to sleep which is more often than not a frustrating failure. I try to cry quietly but it's a rolling stone that gathers force, so I usually end up going downstairs and watching a movie.
Kerwyn is supportive and will totally wake up & hold me while I cry but I hate putting that on him when he has to get up & go to work. I want to try to explain to him how I feel but I don't want to pile my shit on to top of his shit. It's easier to be strong during the day when I need to be for other people - at night, when it's just me ... not so much.
I took this picture a couple of weeks ago - it's gotten worse/bigger since then.
The good news is that the surgery got bumped up a few days - I'll totally take what little advantage I can get!! - to Monday. It's good news but makes it all the more real (if THAT makes any sense) and scary at the same time. We have to be there for 6:30AM for the dye injection for the sentinel node biopsy; the surgery is scheduled for 12:30. Prime knitting time - score!!! No worries, I have several very easy, un-screw-upable projects to take with.
Thanks for listening - knitting news soon!
Don'tcha just hate thinking of a title sometimes?
Anyway, I had to go to the hospital for the pre-op admin tests/paperwork so I got a lot done on a pair of socks, that even though they are my "to-go" project, have been taking entirely too long.
I'm going to take some time after this post to finish them since I'm almost at the toe shaping.
China Clouds is growing!! I'm at the armhole shaping on the LF - very nice!!
I want my blog to be mostly about my knitting but this cancer is going to be as much a part of my life going forward as my knitting and I started blogging so that I could keep my friends up to date on what's going on so talking about how I'm feeling physically & emotionally is going to be included. I'm not one to share too many deep feelings on the blog but you never know - I'm prone to say anything these days. I swear, I'm more distracted & stupid lately than with both of my pregnancies combined!!
Today is a good day - I'm not feeling as much pain as I have been recently so maybe (hopefully) Louie (I named it ... I couldn't help it!) has stopped his growth spurt. I did some math and with a growth rate of 100% in 42 days, if that growth has remained constant, Louie is 28.5% larger than 12 days ago. And it feels like it. I know, I'm entirely too nurturing!!! LOL
This is the best picture of it that I can show you ... I can't even begin to hold a candle to Alexis' photographic skills, so I'll leave the hard work to him. 
Check out the documentation that they needed me to fill out - I put the same info on all 3 pages!!!
The only problem is is that after working with Alsan Trends 100% alpaca, even Rowan's DK Tweed feels rough!!
The x-stitching motion fits the bill for arm movement that is lacking in my knitting. I'm excited to be back into this project to - like most x-stitches the picture totally does not do it justice!! I love Martina's Mandala designs!!
