One Wing

I have been knitting but also taking some time to just enjoy my last week or so of time off and the absolutely fabulous weather we've been having. Granted, it's been quite warm some days but that sure beats chilly & rainy!! It's Summer and I love it!!!

I spent my entire Friday knitting and
ripping, let's call it swatching, doing some serious maths to make sure that my 36g of orange would last for both wings. I totally did it - numbers don't lie!!! - but I ate up the Malabrigo Velvet Grapes. But I can deal with that, I've got Julie on the case!! I'll have to wait for the new skein to continue - if there is a significant difference in dye lot I'd rather it was on the entire left wing than just half of it. If you want to see all of the progression pictures, I have them on my Ravelry project page.





No worries, I have been working on my Family Pendragon SweetSpot strip and I can jump right back into Beth's Drops sweater.

I am healing very well on all counts! My stomach still feels tight and if I stretch/twist a bit too much I am reminded that there is still healing to be done. I still put the Bio Oil on; can't hurt ... My toe still has a numbishness to it and while I can walk it's a careful placing of foot to ground and I'm careful not to roll off of the ball of my foot. There is still some swelling on the top of my foot, but I feel good about how both surgeries have gone. Next week is filled with doctors appts to get followups done and return to work permissions and modifications sorted. I'm scheduled to go back on the 13th - I'm looking forward to it. No, really I am. I would love to keep staying at home but needs must and I miss the people!!!

In with the New

So I picked up a box from Julie at the Post Office yesterday. I was so excited!! Finishing a project makes me happy but it's more a deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Starting a new project is just a thrilling rush of excitement!!

So there is a Mountain Colors (sic) Yellowstone River scarf. I think that this is going to be a challenge. I'm going to get it set then sit down and knit it, no stopping, and see how long it takes.




Then there is also 30 balls of FDC Zara Melange in lovely shades of pink. Julie & Beth are deciding what it is to be ... I'm not even bothered, I love the colour so much!!

The body on Elise's top is blocking. I have less of the solid yarn left than we had anticipated so I used the scale and divided the solid in half. The sleeves will be as long as the yarn will allow. 

I am making Lucky Stars again! 

I couldn't for awhile because of my thumb and while the thumbnail on my right hand is still not long enough for the job I have practiced enough to be able to do them with my left hand. I'm so happy. I find a place of peaceful and restful mindfulness when I'm making them. 

I am utterly exhausted today. Maybe the week of stress, recovery and lack of sleep has caught up with me but writing this post is the most I've done all day. I've mostly slept, drank water and had a burger. I am likely going to sleep more before going to bed eventually. I am just complying with my body's needs - listening, not arguing and complying.


The wounds are healing well. I've been using Bio Oil, massaging it in gently a couple of times a day on the scars. 
The scars on my belly are strangely sensitive and numb. My stomach still feels tender and bloated inside and there are strange pulls and twinges when I turn or move somehow it doesn't like.
My breast is numbish all over. There is a strange sensitive area just on the swell of it just before it goes numbish and the muscles across the top of my right chest are still sore. Not even quite sore but tight. The patch is healing well, still bruised but hopefully the Bio Oil massages will help. I take 81mg of aspirin and garlic capsules as well. Nerves are healing - every once in awhile there are sharp, piercing pains that just come and go.



Thanks for all of the support - I do write this as a therapy, to keep track of what is going on, (I tend to live in the moment and I forget a lot of what happens week-to-week), to stay in touch with my friends and to try to help anyone that I can with anything that I know.

Sara Douglass

It is a sad day - one of my favourite fantasy authors, Sara Douglass, has passed away after a long battle with cancer.

She wrote an excellent blog post/article a bit ago entitled The Silence of Dying. A worthy & thought-provoking read
The Silence of Dying

I will miss looking forward to her new books but will re-read & enjoy the ones I have.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wins

The Spiders won again!!! Our time of 5:53:34 was sufficient and a half hour faster than the 2^nd place team. Here's a link to the official results.






The Relay for Life was awesome - the weather was perfect, not overly cold overnight, not the dewiest we've knit through and experiencing it as a Survivor for the first time was very special. Thank you to all of my supporters - you were all with me in spirit!!!





Amanda has graduated from Grade 8! It was a lovely evening, she was (as if there was any doubt, last minute beauty emergencies notwithstanding) beautiful and her teacher made a wonderful DVD montage of the year for all of the graduates. I am so proud of her and can't believe that my baby is going to be in high school in the fall.







I am almost done the Wollmeise cami for Elise. I love how the straps are rainbow striping!!

I'm going to be at The Needle Emporium on the 9sup>th of July so if you're in the area pop in & say "hey".

Untitled

My hair is growing in ... long enough to run my fingers through it. It's like Rosemary's Baby short but growing and I have to admit that wetting up my hands & drying them in my hair to style it has an ease that has its own appeal. And it didn't come back in "not grey" as I had hoped, but the grey is easily & colourfully remedied.

Chemo is the gift that just keeps giving. I had lost 2 toe nails during chemo from stubbing them. They've grown back in, but not quite the same (2nd toe on the left foot). The big toe nail on my right foot is lifting (and oozy), the one beside it & the big toe on my left foot look totally dead and I'm sure their loss is imminent. The "growth rings" are kind of interesting ... while I'm glad that I had my hands sitting in ice during the Taxotere treatments to help preserve my nails I really wish they had done it for my feet.
I've not really been one for pedicures & open toe shoes (the jobs I work at mostly) but sometimes I like to pamper my naked feet. I wonder if you get a discount on pedicures that don't require nail attention? Ah well, this too shall pass.

I've gotten signed off on returning to work May 30^th. Yes, I am excited!! It will be nice to see my friends every day and get back into a routine again. I am lucky that I will not have to jump back into Dept Mgr duties and the associated stresses - I'll be working up at the front end; cashier and Customer Service. I love front end - I'm the first one up to a till when they call for "cash trained associates" during busy times - and am looking forward to it.
The HR Mgr has enthusiastically agreed to arrange for a "dress down" day for staff on the day of my return - denim & pink - and the money raised will be to support me & the DKC/Toronto Spiders Relay for Life team!! We'll probably get a couple more in before June 17^th too. Even more awesome?? Walmart Canada will match all of the monies raised!!! I know!!

I've been working on a new project for Elise - gorgeous rainbow-bright Wollmeise.

I've also started on Irish Coffee by BabyCocktails for Julie. The yarn is Naturally's Aran Tweed - gorgeously soft!! I should have read ahead a bit more thoroughly in the pattern; I was cruising along to the 9" armhole depth when I read the "switching from ribbing to cable & stockinette" instructions. Which I should have started 2.5" ago. It'll go quickly enough switching to stockinette.

F is for

Friends - tried & true, far & near, virtual & in RL.

Fabulous - I got my nails done again (9 of them anyway) and it's amazing how much it lifted my spirits and made me feel fabulous again!!

Freezing - I was always the cold one in the house but since the chemo I've nudged the thermostat from 68 to 69 to 70 and I am still freezing. I have a hot water bottle under my feet, hot drink in my hands, afghans around my legs & an extra sweater on. And I still feel deep down cold. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever really be warm again?

And then there's my favourite F-word (and it's many variations). I try to use it less but sometimes it's just the most perfect way to express the moment.

Celebration

Thank for all the support & - it seemed like it was going to be such a long journey back in July and now that treatment is over it seems like it's been a whirlwind! Now I need to adjust my mind set from "getting through" to "moving on" and while this will be another long/short journey I know that I will be equal to this task as well ... with the support of my friends!!

I met up with my friend Joan on Saturday for lunch and a knitting afternoon. She surprised me with a "Celebration Scarf" from the Toronto Spiders Back to Back team!! Everyone contributed - spinning and/or knitting - to a scarf that I can feel the love in. There's a square with a bit of sparkle, awesome variegated sections with fleece that was donated by Louet and OMG - check out the bottom LF square (or RH as you're looking at it ) ... yes, it's a spider!!! You ladies rock - we've won & lost the B2B title together and now we're winning the battle against (breast) cancer together! I'm especially looking forward to our Challenge & Relay for Life this year ... no matter how hot it is I'll be wearing my Celebration Scarf. Thank you my friends!!!

What Am I Now?

Today was my last day of treatment for breast cancer!!!

I am happy.
I am hopeful.
I am recovering.
I am discovering.

I am no longer a Cancer Patient - though that seems to be a bit of a non-PC term, I felt like I was a patient while I was in treatment. And believe me, the term "patient" is apt considering how much waiting there was to be done. Though I have to give a shout out & props to the staff at the Radiation Clinic at RVH. They were all awesome - always a welcoming smile, care, concern and they made me feel cared about & for.

I am a Cancer Survivor. I have survived & I will continue to survive & thrive because of and despite what I've had to overcome.

Am I Cancer-Free? No, I can't use that one.
Because the surgery got all of the tumour & there was no cancer in my lymph nodes I got asked a lot why I had to do the chemo & radiation. There is no way to seek & destroy an individual cancer cell free-floating around your body; for me the chemo & radiation were precautionary & preventative. It's different for each person who has been diagnosed based on cancer type and other risk factors for recurrence but for me it was definitely necessary weighed against the risk of not doing them.
It's kind of like being the President of The United States; even once you're no longer the current President you are entitled to be addressed appropriately as "Mr. President". I still "have" cancer. Or maybe you could just call me Madam President! Even after 5 years - during which I will run the highest risk of having a recurrence of breast cancer (though not necessarily in a breast) - one is not considered "cancer free". My surgeon said that I'll not be considered "cancer-free" until 30 years of non-recurrence.

No worries, I now have a new anniversary. March 22 will be my first day of non-recurrence and it will be an anniversary that I will look forward to celebrating for a lot of years to come!

Change of Body Part

Enough of the thumb pics - it's still kinda gross, swollen, still a bit of oozing & a bit warmish. I only have one more dose of the Clindamycin so I will be giving Dr. D a call first thing tomorrow morning to see if there should be another course of antibiotics. I'm not sure if it just needs more healing time or if the infection has not entirely cleared up. I'm just a Dr. Mom but my experience is leaning me towards the latter.

I have been knitting a bit, mostly worsted weight. Yesterday I started back into the sock for Elise in between swatching for Rowan Marsha (Ravelry link) out of Rowan Kid Classic in Pinched (a discontinued pink) which is close to Lipstick. I'm still not knitting nearly as much as I would like to be nor enjoying it as much as I should be. I need to pay too much attention to not poking the sensitive spots on my thumb and then there is the shooting pain that is completely unpredictable.

Monday will be my last treatment!!! After 32 of 33 radiation treatments I am totally dark, the skin that had been raw & sore has dried - though it's still sensitive and itchy. It's healing nicely though.

Salt

"Salt is what makes things taste bad when it isn't in them."
Anonymous

Salt is amazing. Our bodies use it as an electrolyte; it helps operate & maintain our nervous system & muscles and aids in regulating our blood pressure. We have a constant balancing act going on inside the scenes without even knowing it! Just like in food though, if we are suffering from a salt deficiency (or there's too much salt) there is no doubt and we'll know about it!

There is a remarkable choice of scented, seasoned & smoked salts available. I have wanted to experiment with some of them & challenge my taste buds a bit. Mostly I just use "regular" sea salt; I'm not a fan of the iodized table salt.
When I crave snacks I mostly lean towards sweet so when I do crave something salty I kind of have to go on the prowl and usually end up with cheese. LOL!!

When I started radiation I was given a "recipe" for a saline solution that I was told would help if (when) I started getting sores & peeling. I've been diligent in using the Glaxal Base Cream & everything was going along so well I thought that I was going to be a lucky minority that didn't burn/peel. But I kept it but kind of discounted it - I mean really, 1tsp of salt in 2 cups of water? It seemed kind of placebo-ish to me. But I am nothing if not cooperative & compliant and there will come a point when I will try most anything that doesn't reek of snake oil.

I was wrong!!!

I stand - happily - corrected!! Over the weekend several small sores popped up - little blisters that burst & opened when I scratched. I know, I tried not to but even just rubbing the itches was too much for the sensitive skin. And, even though my humble B-cups aren't much, they are enough that when they are left "au naturel" (which I've been doing because bras are just too much for the aforementioned sensitive skin) there is enough a small area that is chaffing.
I made up a "batch" of the saline soak and it is perfectly soothing! There is just enough salt left behind after air drying that the sores dry up a bit and the itching is relieved! I really think that this might be my new home remedy for regular sun burns!!

All About the Feet

The pink Lang socks are done. It took way longer than it should have but I've been a bit distracted and that's also what happens when I don't have a deadline.
I have started on a new pair of socks for Elise - I'll try to take a completely useless picture tomorrow.

Amanda turned her ankle in gym on Friday. I gave her ibuprofen, had her put it up & ice it. It was still to sore for her to really bear weight on it on Saturday so we went to the ER. 5 hours later she had plaster splint as a precautionary support. Even though the X-ray revealed nothing broken the ankle was so tender that the nice Dr. thought that she may have bruised her growth plates, which wouldn't show up on an X-ray as they are cartilage. We're going to see our family doc tomorrow to follow up and see whether it's better or what. Really hoping for better - crutching it is hard on both of us!! LOL

I've done 15 of 33 radiation treatments. There is definitely a tan going on in that quadrant and my scars are getting itchy and feeling a bit burnt. I think that the Dr. thought that I was a little deranged - I told him that it was a good thing that I started tanning up because I was starting to think that I was in some secret double blind study and was getting the placebo rays. He actually checked something on the computer screen and said (in all seriousness) that I was definitely getting the regular radiation treatments. I laughed and said that I know that now because there's side effects; if there was no physical evidence of radiation exposure how would they know? Then I said that I was still waiting for my super power to manifest itself. Poor guy, he's young and wasn't sure what to say - he'll get used to me!!

Getting it Done!!

Julie sent the extra ball of CE Liberty Wool & I finished Elizabeth - awesome!! I slipped the edge stitch for the bottom of the sweater & the outside edge of the collar; it makes for a very nicely finished edge.

I'm making excellent headway on Every Last Yard, I'm on the 2nd sleeve already. The ball that I used for the sleeves is a bit redder than the rest of the sweater. I didn't notice until just now, but since it will be the same for both sleeves I'm not too bothered; it's the nature of hand dyed yarns. I should be able to finish it tomorrow and then block it (definitely needs a good blocking!) and delivery them both on Saturday. Yes -- I'll be at The Needle Emporium for the day!! I'm so excited, it's been awhile since I've actually put in a days' work at the store & I can't wait. Amanda is waiting to hear back about a babysitting job - she wants so badly to work at Julie's but doesn't want to lose a potential babysitting job. 13 is rough!!

I've done 5 of 13 radiation treatments. Yes, I'm making my own collective. So far, so good. The treatments are quick - in & out in about 10-15 mins. Check out how thick that door is!! OMG!!! I'm a bit disappointed that I'm not showing any signs of additional special powers with the mega-radiation that I'm being shot through with. I'm using the Glaxal Base cream and hopefully will be able to stave off any burning. It's super thick, easily absorbed, non-greasy and I'm quickly becoming a big fan!

The Bachelor - all I've got to say about that is this: OMG - there is always a stalkery/crazy/possessive chick and Michelle is it this time. They make for good clips & ratings but seriously? Brad. Dude. You're not going to marry her, kick her bony Fatal Attraction ass to the curb!!!

Inked

Lucky Devil in Barrie did a cancer awareness event last night. Kyle & I went along with my sister Daphne, a bunch of friends from The Mighty Mart of Wal and what looked like half of Barrie!! It was a more popular event than they had anticipated and they stopped taking names at 7:30. A few of us went to a pub around the corner to make the waiting time go faster.

I'm not sure exactly what I thought that it would feel like or how much it would hurt. I'm really not very good with regular needles ... I think that I was trying not to actually think too much about it. It stung like a mo-fo but it felt so good when he stopped!! I was a trooper and didn't even tear up. It felt/feels like a burn while it's healing.
I'm glad that I handled it so well because I really want to have a 1/2 sleeve on my right arm with a few knitting/spinning motifs and it's not going to be a 10 minute affair. I'll likely be doing that when radiation is done.

Daphne made us t-shirts:

And re-started

I have never been a fan of the kfb (knit into the front & back) increase - it just looks out of place, especially in stockinette. But I also like to stick to a pattern fairly closely when I'm doing a store sample. I tried ... I really did. I just wasn't feeling any love at all for it so I tried a few increases using a M1b (make 1 below), doing a yo on the WS row before so that it didn't pull too tightly. The sweater is done from the top down and I definitely didn't want to have the arm shaping too tight - not a good look on anyone! Much better!! The kfb left the single center stitch really showing a smaller stitch on the inc row. The M1b allows 2 center stitches and they are much more even and the incs are more subtly integrated. I'm really lucky that Julie allows me interpretive latitude when I knit for her!! So I ripped it out and am much happier!

My hair is growing back - hard to photograph, shiny white head, fuzzy hair - but it's coming in. I have a couple of baldish spots where there is no fuzz but there is stubble where brand new hair is coming in.
I would love to have it come in curly, even if it doesn't last past a first haircut ... ask my hairdressing cousin Pam, I can hold out on a hair cut for quite a while. But I'm not picky - I'm just happy to have it growing back. I'd really love my eyelashes back soon though!!

CE Elizabeth

So here she is blocking. Just a couple of seams and the interminable ribbing for the collar. I was really hoping to have it done for tomorrow but I've been a bit of a slacker the last few days. No worries Julie - I'm all over it now!!

My hair is starting to grow back!!! I have some fluff of hair that didn't all fall out and is a bit longer but I can see actual new hair growing out of my scalp! Yeah, my wish for the 'not grey' - FAIL. Now just waiting to see if it comes in thicker and/or curly. I don't care - I'm just glad to have it coming back!

I start radiation on Feb 1^st. There is apparently no physiological reason for it to make me tired except for the back & forth to the hospital and considering that I'm back and forth to somewhere almost every day hopefully that won't be a problem. And I will allow the Cdn Cancer Society to drive me most days so that should take some of the load off (and not driving myself will avoid that eating into my knitting time!).

And I've sorted another dyeing day at Shelridge Farms on March 5^th. If you live in the area (Durham, ON) or area-ish and are interested in joining in on a whack of colourful fun let me know & I can give you more details!!

I'm Back

Sorry 'bout that! Had a bit of a rough week after chemo and then it was just plain old busy with Amanda home from school & Kyle off from Honda for the week and I've been going gangbusters on that Windy Valley Muskox sweater. I found out that Dianne wanted it for the VK Live show this week - yikes!! But I don't miss deadlines and I'm still batting 1000!! It's done, my ardent pleas to whatever deities may cast their blessings on Customs Officials did the trick and UPS just has to deliver the goods tomorrow!! You, my friends get a sneak peek, especially if you're not going to be in NY this weekend. I just need to sit down and do the brain-scrambling maths to do a couple of extra sizes.

Today I went down to Sunnybrook for the CT scan & mapping and the tiny dot tattoos (really, permanent ink delivered with a needle but to call them tattoos is misleading & frankly disappointing ). I had a very competent driver (when you're a trained professional driver this perhaps is more important than usual) who took myself and a couple of other people down. We left early since one of them had an earlier appt time and ended up staying later as she had additional tests to be done. No worries ... driving time + waiting time = knitting time!!! I am almost done the 2nd sleeve on the CE Elizabeth sweater. Then just blocking, a big 'ole ribbed collar and finishing. I got this!!

I also met Barb, a lovely lady who was knitting a square for a blanket. Sunnybrook had a basket of yarn that people could knit these squares from - I saw a few people knitting on them so it's a program that works! Anyway I took her picture because I rarely see someone who knits by tensioning around their next. She had the ball of yarn on her left, trailing over her legs, through her right hand, around her neck then into her left hand and she used her thumb to wrap the yarn around the needle. Fascinating!!!